Blog Posts

May 15, 2015

Day One: My Mother’s in Town– For a Week!

I told my step-father that a week was too long for anyone to visit, even my celebrity heartthrob crush Javier Bardem.   “Nothing personal,” I said. “How about she comes for three or four days? That way, we can end on a high note!”   “Too late,” George said. He’d already […]
July 7, 2015

He Was Standing By Her Grave

It sounds morbid, but one of my favorite places to walk the dog is in the graveyard down the street. It’s dead quiet (ha, ha, ha), there are no cars and very few visitors. And no, I never let the dog lift his leg on the headstones or do his business […]
July 21, 2015

Mom For $ale

Mother of two teenage girls for sale. 51,000 miles. Runs like new! Available seven days a week, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. No sick or personal days. Fifty cents an hour. Experience: Repeats herself over and over and over again. Produces plates full of food when there’s “nothing to […]
July 27, 2015

I Swear, It’ll Never Happen Again

We all do it– make the same mistake, twice, if not over and over again. The thing is, we know we’re doing whatever it is,  but we somehow can’t help ourselves from inserting a happy ending fantasy by giving it one last try. And another. And then even another. Sometimes […]
August 31, 2015

Do You Have to be Dead to Eat Quiche?

All I did was bake a quiche. But judging by my girls reactions, you’d think I’d made brunch for 20. That’s how shocked they were when I called them downstairs for breakfast on Sunday, at 12:25 p.m., I may add. How do they possibly sleep so late?  Susannah circled the table […]
September 4, 2015

Like OMG, I Just Rolled My Eyes So Hard, I Saw My Own Brain!

My mom, who is retired, said even if she practiced for 10 hours a day, she doubted she could do it– make her eyes roll back in her brain the way my girls do almost every time I open my mouth to speak to them. What’s more, the eyeball rolling action […]
October 22, 2015

Read My Friend’s Cover Letter! You’ll Die Laughing!

From: Laura F. Date: Thursday, October 22, 2015 at 10:59 AM To: Kathy Subject: Get a life! Hey woman. What’s happening with the job? Let me know if I can give you a reference.  xol, Laura From: Kathy P. Date: Thursday, October 22, 2015 at 11:27 AM Subject: I love you […]
November 16, 2015

When You Teach a Teenager to Fish

I used to be a real Mom, but now that my daughters are almost grown teenagers, life at Pittman Palace is anything but picture perfect. And that’s just the way I like it. Hungry? And don’t like what I made for dinner? Learn how to cook. It’s an invaluable skill […]
December 27, 2015

The Miracle on Our Street

While I certainly qualify for clerical celibacy given that I’m not married and haven’t met anyone I want to become romantically involved with for a while now, no worries! The nuns would still kick me out of the convent for other bad behaviors such as taking the lord’s name in vain […]
December 31, 2015

I Have Less Than 24 Hours to Live

All year I’ve harbored a certifiable fear that I would drop dead, the same as my husband did, when he was the same age. Or get a diagnosis. I’m not sure which came first, the much better health insurance plan or the tinge of paranoia that came before each overdue test […]
January 3, 2016

Things to Stop Giving a Sh*t About in 2016

Already my New Year’s resolutions are looking as sugar-coated as the now empty box of truffles sitting on my desk washed down with a gorgeous glass of Malbec. That’s precisely the moment that I decided to give it up and started making a list of un-resolutions. Here goes: 1. Going to […]
January 13, 2016

Kitchen UNconfidential

My teenager decided to dish out her own tell-all version of Kitchen Confidential at our house after a texting session in which she moaned and complained that there was “Nothing to eat, Mom.” Here goes:  “I usually skip dinner altogether, but on the rare occasion that I do want to eat, there’s […]
January 26, 2016

Spitz to Meet the Big Toilet Bowl in the Sky

No, not the Olympic gold medalist, Mark Spitz. My fish, Spitz. But please don’t tell him he’s getting the big flush. Not yet. My worry was confirmed on Sunday morning when my daughter, Nell, noticed it too. “Ew,” she said, peering into his tank. “You mean Ick,” I told her. “Ew. What’s […]
February 15, 2016

Song Stucky In Thy Head Syndrome

I haven’t heard from Carol in 100 years, but when she called me today, the only thing she said was “What are you going to do?” to make me laugh so hard, I spit my coffee out. That’s what friends are for. All the time in the world can pass, but you […]
February 19, 2016

Call Me Mrs. Gandhi

When one of my best friends offered us her Catskill Mountains ski house for President’s week, it took all of a nanosecond to graciously accept. The plan was for the girls to be packed and ready to go on Saturday night around 5 p.m. That way, we’d wake up bright eyed […]