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December 10, 2014

My Friend David Won’t Die!

You can’t die from a broken heart, meaning it may feel as though the pain will never go away, but eventually, it does.   This is what I told a despondent friend who recently learned his boyfriend had been cheating on him with his best friend’s brother. How quaint…   As David sat crying […]
December 15, 2014

I Fired My Kids Last Week! But Look At My Angel Now!

  It’s said that the sun will always come out tomorrow unless you live at our house. Then every morning is greeted in practically the same way: with teenage venom.   Even if I hired a harpist to play golden sunshiny music to lull them awake; a butler to deliver beautiful sunflowers, […]
December 19, 2014

The Kardashians Can Kiss My A!

  To know thyself well is to understand that doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results is idiotic. That’s why New Year’s resolutions typically don’t stick and we why we find ourselves back where we started. It’s part of the human condition called life.   […]
December 20, 2014

I Slept With My Dead Husband Last Night

  Every time Mark was late, I imagined my husband riding dead on the train, slumped in the seat while commuters pushed past his limp legs until a conductor noticed he hadn’t moved. The police wouldn’t have to say a word as they stood on my doorstep, looking down at their […]
January 3, 2015

Goodbye My Dear Beautiful Sister Friend Connie…

The girls and I normally skip town during the holidays to avoid all the happy families with their tutored children, Pottery Barn houses and organic free range turkey dinners. What’s worse is that everyone’s experience is served up ‘a la Facebook where we all get front row seats to each […]
January 13, 2015

You’re Dead… Now What?

Hate to break the bad news but chances are you are going to die at some point in your life. If you’re a man, you’ll likely make it to 79.8. Women? It’s 82.2, according to the World Health Organization (WHO). Take that however you wish in terms of deciding how […]
January 19, 2015

   
January 22, 2015

Drs RX for Winter Doldrums? Flying Squirrel Feces!

It’s official. I am bored with winter as we haven’t even had our first Nor’ Easter. We Upstate New Yorkers don’t feel it’s really winter until the first big one hits. Otherwise, it’s just cold outside with nothing to compare anything to. But hold onto your ski hats. We might get slammed this weekend, according […]
January 25, 2015

Hey Baby, Love Your Brain Chip

A few years into the single life after being widowed, I realized most people just don’t want to be in committed relationships with each other so much anymore. Women say especially men. There’s not a lot of reason to when they can order up a new and different hottie in less […]
February 1, 2015

Pillow Talk

Note to Daughters Put Under Their Pillows This Morning: Look out the window and always say good morning to the world. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Be happy for what you have, don’t cry for what you want. Walk the dog. Don’t define yourself by others’ […]
February 8, 2015

The Vole in the Bowl

I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a scream quite like it.   It was a mix of giggling, shrieking and yelping for help that sounded kinda like this: “Eeeyyaaauuugghhhheewlp!”   There stood my 15-year-old on the orange leather dining chair, far from the kitchen where she kept pointing with trembling index finger. It […]
April 15, 2015

Welcome to My Blog

Hi. I’m Laura. I’ve been a crime reporter at the New York Daily News; a private investigator (that was a cool job); a features editor at Woman’s World Magazine where I interviewed more than 50,000 women; and a press secretary for an elected official in a city of 198,000. Life was going along great […]
July 21, 2015

Mom For $ale

Mother of two teenage girls for sale. 51,000 miles. Runs like new! Available seven days a week, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. No sick or personal days. Fifty cents an hour. Experience: Repeats herself over and over and over again. Produces plates full of food when there’s “nothing to […]