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Read My Friend’s Cover Letter! You’ll Die Laughing!

From: Laura F.

Date: Thursday, October 22, 2015 at 10:59 AM

To: Kathy

Subject: Get a life!

Hey woman. What’s happening with the job? Let me know if I can give you a reference.  xol, Laura

From: Kathy P.

Date: Thursday, October 22, 2015 at 11:27 AM

Subject: I love you too

No interview yet. Just sent my resume and a cover letter explaining how awesome I am and soon suited for the job as administrative director. Took me a while to write the cover letter. Those things are so stupid, as are resumes really. You can have a fantastic resume and still be an incompetent shit. My cover letter was pretty funny, I thought. This is not the one I ended up sending, though part of me wishes I did:

Dear —–
It is with great interest that I respond to your recent job posting for an Administrative Director. The job description is exactly the type of position I have been looking for and one that suits my strengths perfectly.
I have worked with many non profit organizations, in a variety of positions, as a volunteer. At Community Health, I coordinated their twice yearly free HIV/AIDS testing. While I was in college I was a rape crisis counselor through Planned Parenthood. I volunteered for Meals on Wheels, The Humane Society, The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp, numerous food pantries and soup kitchens, Literacy Volunteers of Bergen County. You name it! I did it for free! I’m clearly not picky what area of do-goodership I’m involved in. I’ll do them all! Food, assault, animals, illiterate foreigners, starving children, all welcome in my world.
I can alphabetize, categorize, minimize, bold, underline, answer the phone and take a damn message. I can answer the same question over and over. I can order lunch, order paper, pencils, make coffee, make lunch, dinner, brunch & breakfast reservations. I can be polite, assertive, kind, patient. I can be relentless in order to get things done the way I think they should be. Which most likely will mean color coded and in alphabetical or numerical order. I can fix the toilet if it leaks, hold the baby if the nanny quit. I can get and keep the attention of a group of 7 year olds as well as 70 year olds, and several age groups in between. I read, write and speak 2 languages fluently and fortunately one of those is English. I can muddle my way through at least 2 or 3 other language if needed. I have relative well functioning brain and I’m not afraid to use it!
Call me! I’ll stop by and you can see that I dress relatively well, or at least appropriately. I can do the job you want done. If you’d like to let me – great! If not – too bad. I’ll find something else, you however, will most likely not hire someone as good, as organized and as willing to do almost anything and do it well as me and for that I’m truly sorry. You may have deserved someone as good as me.


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  1. Barbara says:

    Ha! This is kind of really cool.

  2. Kate says:

    She should have sent it. If the company was worth the salt, they would have hired her AND respected her right off the bat.

    Truth is amazing! And telling the truth with wit is priceless. Plus I hear that the less you “care” about getting a job, the more likely you are to get it.

    Good post.