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You can’t die from a broken heart, meaning it may feel as though the pain will never go away, but eventually, it does.

 

This is what I told a despondent friend who recently learned his boyfriend had been cheating on him with his best friend’s brother. How quaint…

 

As David sat crying in my kitchen, I tried to console him as best I could with a giant piece of my almost-famous bourbon chocolate pecan pie and a strong cup of coffee.

 

“But I love him,” my longtime friend wept into his napkin.

 

“You don’t love him,” I offered. “You loved the idea of him, but deep down you never felt comfortable in the relationship and this is why. You don’t share the same values. That’s huge!”

 

His expression changed.

 

“No, you’re right,” he muttered, poking at the pie crust. “I know, it just hurts.”

 

“Of course it does,” I said. “But you can’t let it ruin your life. You’re allowed to cry for exactly five months. One month per year is the standard rule here. Then we go on vacation together.”

 

This is why friends call me Priligy Venta Online. When it comes to relationships, I tend to be very cut and dry, unless, of course, it’s my own. Then I am the one blubbering.

 

“But what if I die in between time?” he asked with big tears falling out of his eyes. “People die from broken hearts all the time, ya know.”

 

“No they don’t,” I said. “You’d have a better chance of getting hit by a tsunami than dying of a broken heart.”

 

I felt like somewhat of an authority on the subject, having lost my husband and my father within a year of each other and then my first break up two years after that. Not saying lots of people don’t have it worse, just that this was my bad. Still, David needed me to listen, not offer him my wisdoms or even bring my own experience into it. I hate it when people do that, talk about themselves during someone’s emotional crises.

 

“OK, I will prove it to you,” I said, doing a Google search on the top ways in which people die, praying that broken hearts were not on the list. “So according to Buy Amoxil Online Cheap, do you think you have a better chance of dying by a tsunami or fireworks?” I asked, pretending to be Monty Hall from “Let’s Make a Deal.”

 

This made him laugh. Good! We were getting somewhere.

 

“Fireworks,” he managed. “More people are exposed to them than tsunamis.”

 

“Ding! Ding!” I called out, now standing on the kitchen table. “Folks we have a winner here. David, you are obviously a brilliant man who will see his way out of heartbreak by going on vacation with your best friend, Laura, in May. Now choose door number one, two or three.”

 

He chose door number one.

 

“You, dear David, have won a vacation to beautiful Malta courtesy of Lufthansa Airlines. Worldwide flights! Boundless inspiration! Discover the world with Lufthansa!”

 

This actually made him laugh so I went on to read the list, ranked in order by statistics. Only I went backwards, from least common to most common in case broken heart was indeed number one.

 

25. Fireworks Discharge (1-in-615,488)

Almost 10,000 people are admitted to hospital emergency rooms for fireworks related injuries a year in the United States, with most of these (roughly 60%) occurring around July 4th.

 

24. Tsunami (1-in-500,000)

While rare, when tsunamis hit, they can take hundreds and thousands of lives. Still, it’s a tough call because tsunamis are often mixed in with earthquakes (#20). So to be completely accurate, he’d have to (a.) be in a place where tsunamis hit to begin with and (b.) be involved in a tsunami with no earthquake involved. But this was no time to get logical.

 

23. Asteroid Impact (1-in-500,000)

This is an interesting one that, for obvious reasons, is hard to estimate. In recent years, however, your chances have improved from 1/20,000 to 1/500,000 in some cases. This is primarily due to the fact that most large asteroids on near Earth collision courses have now been identified and labeled as non-threats.

 

22. Dog Attack (1-in-147,717)

I guess man’s best friend can also be his worst enemy if you’re one of the 20 people who die as the result of a dog attack. Otherwise, you fall in the 2% category of “just” getting bitten per year.

 

21. Earthquake (1-in-131,890)

Once again, depending on where you live, your risk will shift. And while earthquakes are rated as being more deadly than tsunamis, this is only because tsunamis are many times caused by seismic activity.

 

20. Snake, Bee or other Venomous Bite or Sting (1-in-100,000)

According to some estimates, you’re almost twice as likely to die from a bee sting as a dog bite. It says every year in the US around 50 people die of allergic reactions to venom.

 

19. Lightning Strike (1-in-83,930)

Each year around the world about a quarter of a million people are struck by lightning with about 10% of the strikes being fatal. Contrary to popular belief, you can still be struck even in a shed or makeshift shelter and every once in a while lightning can contribute to your risk of dying from #14.

 

18. Tornado (1-in-60,000)

If you live in the United States or Eastern India, then your chances of dying in a swirling mess of debris are significantly higher. Just last year in the United States 552 people were killed as a result of tornados while the total number worldwide was 576.

 

17. Legal Execution (1-in-58,618)

Although most of the world has abolished the death penalty, if you live in China, North Korea, Yemen, Iran, or the United States your chances of being legally executed skyrocket as these five countries still make good use of capital punishment.

 

16. Flood (1-in-30,000)

As one of the most common and dangerous natural disasters, floods claim more lives annually than any other of the catastrophes on the list.

 

15. Air Travel Accident (1-in-20,000)

Although people are generally far more terrified of flying than going on a road trip, it should be noted once again that flying is not only just a little bit safer than driving, it’s hundreds of times safer than driving (#6).

 

14. Drowning (1-in-8,942)

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), drowning is the third leading cause of unintentional death worldwide claiming hundreds of thousands of lives annually.

 

13. Electrocution (1-in-5,000)

Including deaths due to lightning and capital punishment, electrocution claims about 1,000 lives in the United States annually with most of these being related to on-the-job injuries.

 

12. Bicycle Accident (1-in-4,717)

Usually when someone dies riding a bicycle it involves a motorist of some sort so generally speaking, it’s better to ride in such bike-friendly countries as the Netherlands, Spain and China.

 

11. Natural Forces (1-in-3,357)

This includes lightning, tornados , floods, tsunamis, earthquakes, and any other natural disaster as a catch-all statistic to give you an idea of how likely you are to perish as a result of mother nature’s wrath.

 

10. Fire or Smoke (1-in-1,116)

Roughly 50%-80% of fire related deaths are due to smoke inhalation rather than burns but together, in the United States, these claims thousands of lives every year.

 

9. Assault by Firearm (1-in-325)

In many countries, primarily in Europe, where gun ownership has been outlawed, gun crimes remain fairly low. Other countries, however, have a much higher prevalence of gun violence. Places like Brazil, Colombia, South Africa, Guatemala, and the United States lose billions of dollars and thousands of lives annually due to this problem.

 

8. Falling Down (1-in-246)

If this seems benign, then you must be young. This is the leading cause of injury related death among seniors in the world.

 

7. Intentional Self-harm (1-in-121)

Every 40 seconds someone somewhere on this planet kills themselves and every year roughly 1 million lives are lost due to suicide.

 

6. Motor Vehicle Accident (1-in-100)

In what is probably one of the most dangerous things any of us ever do on a regular basis with motor vehicle accidents claiming about 50,000 American lives every year.

 

5. Accidental Injury (1-in-36)

With this umbrella category being responsible for around 30 million emergency room visits annually, the number of lives lost every year as a result hover around 100,000.

 

“The rest are boring,” I offered so he would not dwell on any perceived same symptoms and make me rush him to the hospital. “But just so you know, stroke is one in 23, followed by cancer which is one in seven and then a one in five for heart disease.” I was relieved that heart attack wasn’t further defined by loss of love as numero uno. Instead it was a blow off line about Chuck Norris that was meant to be funny.

 

“What about number one? Where is number one?” he insisted.

 

“Oh, it says it right here,” I lied. “Old age.”

 

“Really?” he perked up a bit. “Old age? That’s a relief!”

 

With that, we went for walk on the same path in the same woods I used to walk as I pointed out all the tall trees that survived a recent flood.

 

Need help? Here are a few links to articles on surviving love’s loss:

PsychCentral.com: Buy Cytotec India

WebMD: Priligy Canada Where To Buy

Billboard.com: Order Amoxicillin Online Canada

 

12 Comments

  1. BARBARA says:

    One month for every year! Actually, kinda makes sense.

  2. BARBARA says:

    I once went out with a weird copy editor who used to collect articles about weird deaths. His favorite was the guy who was crushed by a vending machine while shaking it to get his candy bar out. It took me about two hours to get over that breakup. Great story Laura.

  3. Vevette says:

    Note to self: Do not read this at work. Guffaws are not allowed in a psychiatric practice during certain times.

  4. mindy mangan says:

    You my dear are a great friend!!!!

  5. Amanda says:

    You encouraged me to move from New York to California way back when because you said I had dated anyone I was going to date. I remember this vividly. Ruthless, yet so pragmatic!

  6. I so enjoy reading your stuff. I’ve been meaning to say so….

  7. Julie Waterman says:

    Laura,

    This reminds me of the afternoon I called you to say my husband 22 years wanted a divorce. I remember saying, “But, I still love him!” It was, however, your response that was priceless…. You laughed your blooming ass off!

    As it turns out, Patricks departure from my life was long overdue and the best thing that has ever happened to me!

    I love you so much and that beautiful laugh you have.

    JULES

  8. Wait. Your offering up cheesecake, and you have almost world famous bourbon pecan in reserve? OK. Noted. 😛

  9. migwar says:

    The idiom is “cut and dried,” not “cut and dry.”

  10. My former almost Mother in Law said it best “He died of shortness of breath.” Apparently in Dublin it’s considered rude to ask what someone died from. They don’t have the same interest in what happened. My former husband’s uncle died “stepping off a bus”.

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